Still Time

by a campbell

Clark/Lex, NC-17, Spoilers for "Scare"

With thanks to oxoniensis for the perceptive and thorough (as always) beta assistance.

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Injections distributed and everyone on the mend, Lex reached home, wrapped himself snug in a thin fleece blanket, (the first he could grab), stretched out on his bed, and knew nothing for a while. He dreamed only of vacant churchyards, oddly peaceful: no atom bombs, no skeletons… no Lana, either, thank God.

But he’d neglected to take the time to find a down comforter, so the chill damp of the late early-winter afternoon that seeped through the castle walls was palpable even as he slept.

Though the touch on his bare head was gentle, it brought him jolting back to consciousness with an embarrassing little snort. He looked up to see Clark gazing down at him, eyes dark but benevolent, no trace of the hostile resentment he’d found himself buffering too frequently over the past months. Clark flattened his palm and caressed, with a low comforting hum under his breath, and Lex relaxed.

Clark, as usual. Inexplicably here in his bedroom, despite the mansion security that was becoming a bigger joke all the time.

No matter. Good to see him, however he’d managed to get in. Beyond good to have company, not to be alone. Lex looked away from Clark and glanced toward the curtained window. It was nearly as dark outside as it was in the room. Dusk was falling much earlier as winter came on. And it was even colder. In spite of himself, Lex shivered.

“How are you?” Clark’s tone was tender, and for once Lex didn’t think the affection was all in his imagination. He tried to sit up, but sank back on the pillow.

“I’ll mend. Won’t take long.”

Clark sat down beside him and pulled the blanket up to Lex’s chin, a nurturing gesture he figured Clark must have picked up from his mother. He moved in closer. “You’re cold.”

Lex just shrugged, savoring the comfort despite being surprised by his reaction. No one had tucked him up since Lillian. And, with no body hair, he was always cold; he should be used to it by now. But the gentle act warmed his heart more than the heat from Clark warmed his body. His eyes dropped closed again as Clark’s soft voice continued.

“I got over here as soon as I could. They’re keeping Mom and Dad at the hospital overnight and I wanted to stay there till they were settled in. They should be ready to come home tomorrow. So that means…” Clark raised his eyebrows and smiled a warm, companionable smile, “I can stay here tonight.” He bent over to kiss Lex’s brow at the same time Lex looked back up at him. Lex's small jump made them both chuckle.

Lex sat up and yawned, wide, cursing the fact that he was still edgy from the stress of the morning and afternoon at the plant and the hospital. “ I didn’t expect to see you at all for awhile.”

Clark was shaking his head even before Lex finished speaking. “Are you kidding? After what you did this afternoon?” He leaned in closer and fixed Lex with a gaze so earnest that Lex’s instinctively dismissive response died on his lips. “I like to think of myself as brave, but you had me beat by miles today. Scared me to death.”

“Sorry about that.” So Clark had noticed, Lex thought in mild surprise.

“I’m just glad you’re okay. And everyone else, too. And, I admit I haven’t always been the most thoughtful of friends, but I’m trying to get better.” Clark took a quick breath and looked away, though his hand crept toward Lex’s chilled fingers, kneaded, then grasped.

Lex found himself clasping back. “Thanks.”

“Lex, I’m really sorry for the way I’ve been lately. Sometimes I don’t know why I act the way I do. But I know I haven’t been much of a friend, and I’m sorry.”

Lex considered, stretching under the blanket, stopping when his socked toes reached the edge and the cold air. “Has something to do with being seventeen, nearly eighteen, I’d suspect.” Not to mention being from a place unknown, with incredible, limitless powers. But intimation of that would be unwise. Even if it was the main reason why he’d done what he had that afternoon, used himself as a guinea pig for the untried antidote. Worth the risk, to keep Clark safe.

I’d do anything to protect my friends.

From Clark: a slight headshake and somewhat patronizing grin. “You said the same thing to me in the loft a couple of weeks ago. So, it can’t just a matter of age. We’re both messed up.” His laugh was rueful to Lex’s ears.

Lex’s lips curled into a smile. “Maybe we are.”

“I was really worried about you, then. And disappointed and hurt for a lot of reasons, some of them maybe stupid, some not. Still, I said a lot of things I shouldn’t have. Like about your dad.”

“I’m not up for discussing him right now,” Lex’s words were clipped, short, the mention of Lionel occasioning the familiar dull weight in his chest.

Clark nodded, but continued anyway. “I just really wanted to believe he’d changed. The same way I wanted you to. But I know I’ve been in the habit of using him as a weapon against you, and I’m sorry.” He took a deep breath, and Lex thought he looked a little uneasy. “That was low. And I know it’s no excuse, but, it was kind of a rough summer.”

“Two rough summers in a row. For both of us.” Lex turned to him with a searching gaze. “Both spent without you, and this last one longer than the first.” He let his eyes fall closed and leaned over, trusting Clark to be there, welcoming the softness of Clark’s lips meeting his.

Clark shifted after the kiss. “So, you forgive me?” he said. And waited.

Lex kept him in suspense for a minute. Then put his hand on Clark’s thigh, and Clark shifted into his touch with a slight moan and bent down. Lex spoke low and silk-soft as their gazes met, “What do you think?”

“I think you’re shivering. Let’s get you warmed up.”

***

Clark’s mouth was warm and wet, the aggressive stab of his broad tongue nudged Lex’s lips open, then, lingering, probed inside. Lex found himself gasping for air when the kiss broke. Clark’s strong, toned body, legs and arms, stretched over him, pressing him into the cushions, and gradually the chill faded from his own limbs. He savored the weight of his friend, sprawled atop his smaller, slighter body, shifting, pressing him into the mattress. Grounded, comforted, stabilized. Loved.

Clark’s exhale was half a hiss as he propped himself on one elbow and swiped at his mouth with his jacketed wrist. When he spoke, he was nearly breathless. “Lex. I love you so goddamned much.”

The lump that thickened in Lex’s throat kept him from responding for a moment, so he was relieved at his calm tone when he did. Time for refuge in humor. “That’s good to hear. As long as you’re really Clark Kent and not Lionel Luthor this afternoon.”

Clark coughed, then choked. “Shut up, Lex. That’s not even funny.”

“I know, but I couldn’t resist. I’m trying to put that stint out of my mind, but it’s no easy task.”

Clark moved closer to plant a gentle kiss on Lex’s cheekbone. One palm stroked, then caressed Lex’s arm from elbow up to shoulder, then down to the wrist to twine with Lex’s fingers. “You know, I’m feeling pretty stressed after the last couple of days, weeks, months. So let me show you just how much I love you.

“I don’t know if I’m quite up to this tonight,” Lex demurred as his hand warmed in Clark’s grasp.

“Oh,” Clark’s expression darkened with worry, or disappointment, or perhaps a combination of both-- Lex couldn’t tell. “Then maybe you should rest. We could just cuddle for awhile and then go to sleep.”

“Strange. I’m suddenly feeling remarkably better.” Lex, never that much of a fool, smiled up at him. “I’m kidding, Clark. Trust me, I’m up to whatever you’ve got for me.”

His fingers drifted toward Clark’s denim-covered crotch, but Clark grasped his hand to stay him and instead pushed him back on the bed. “No. You first. You deserve it. Stay still and relax.” His engaging smirk faded as his eyes locked with Lex’s.

Lex settled back into the pillows with a deep sigh, unable to subdue a quiver of excitement while deliberately keeping his voice matter-of-fact. “Something tells me I’m going to enjoy this.” Clark was stripping off blue plaid, flashing Lex another grin as he did so, forcing Lex to reflect on how no one else in the world showed off a white t-shirt to such advantage.

“I hope you will,” Clark murmured. He laid a hand on Lex’s fly, tugged, then eased the zipper down, glancing back up with a gleam in his eye that made Lex’s mouth feel like a desert. He moistened dry lips, swallowed hard, eyes falling closed, wanting to feel rather than see right now.

He felt. Clark’s mouth. Licks of that broad tongue, trailing, teasing up and down his hard shaft, dipping in the pearl droplets of precome gathering at the tip. Then swallowing, sliding down, and sucking, hard, and this was beyond good, worth all the pain of the past year. All of it, every bit. Just to be here like this again, with Clark, as in the early days of their friendship. It was sweet.

Eyes squinted shut, he groped with both hands for Clark’s head. Felt hair, coarse yet so astonishingly soft. The slurping sounds from Clark’s mouth in motion, the small moans, made him shake. He groaned, too, as Clark pulled off for a minute, and Lex didn’t even notice the cold air that hit his damp cock, because Clark turned his head and swept his wet tongue over the mound on Lex’s palm at the base of his thumb. Lex cringed at the ticklish sensation, but loved it all the same.

His thoughts careened back to the first time he and Clark had done this, on a winter evening much like tonight. How shy and embarrassed Clark had been, the blush that had stained his fine cheekbones at Lex’s first kiss. How he’d gazed at him afterward, eyes dark with satisfaction and new knowledge. Lex had worried that perhaps he’d pushed it too fast, been too insistent before Clark was really ready. After all, it was only the middle of his freshman year. But the attraction was too powerful, not to be denied: Lex had known that from the moment he had awakened, gagging on fetid river water to gaze up into the face of his savior, and it was clear that Clark knew it, too. And now, three years later: how he’d matured, now more man than boy, reasonably sure of what he was doing, proud of his skill…

Maybe he couldn’t take all the credit himself, but, yeah, he’d taught him well. He couldn’t regret that first small push.

Before he could think further, stars burst behind his eyelids, and he was coming, filling Clark’s mouth until the boy coughed. He felt Clark release him, opened his eyes slowly to see him lick drops of liquid from full lips like a satisfied cat, then bend to curl into a ball on his chest. Lex let an arm wind around him. So good. And warm, now, so warm.

Lex shifted, moved his leg, felt the press of Clark’s hardness against his stomach muscles. He reached between them, maneuvering his hand to touch, then loosen, the cold leather of Clark’s belt. Clark looked up with a grin, his gaze darkening. God, he was beautiful.

“So now, you,” he commanded with a nudge, and Clark obediently rolled over, dragging the blanket with him, closing his eyes, unbuttoning his jeans, jerking the zipper open. Waiting.

Lex bent over him, kissed the cleft on the strong chin, followed the kiss with a light lick. Slid down Clark’s body, slipped a finger inside the wrinkled fold of pale blue cotton boxers and pushed the fabric aside so he could draw out that splendid cock. Already hard: this shouldn’t take much. He cupped the rigid flesh in both hands and dipped his head down for one small lick just to tease. Clark groaned and shifted, let his legs fall open, cupped Lex’s head in both hands and held him in place.

“Yeah…” he murmured. “Suck me, Lex. You do it so much better than I do.”

“I don’t know about that,” said Lex, close enough so that his breath stirred the thatch of hair at the base. “But let’s see…” He glanced up at Clark, who raised himself on one elbow as Lex spoke. “Do it, Clark. Fuck my mouth. You have permission.”

Clark didn’t seem to mind the cold, but then, he never did. Eyes half closed, he placed his index finger on Lex’s lower lip, coaxed his mouth open, then pushed inside. Lex gave himself up to the seductive taste, the sensation of being filled with Clark’s cock, hard, thick…savoring the strength and power of thrusts that quickly increased in speed. The sound of Clark panting, now, breaths punctuated by moans that were ridiculously youthful, occasioned more memories, and Lex was surprised at how unusually nostalgic he was this evening. An almost painful wave of tenderness threatened to overwhelm him as he remembered.

He’d pushed sex with Clark that first time—so long ago, it seemed, now-- mainly because he could wait no longer to see just what Clark would look like at the moment when orgasm overtook him. He was tired of conjuring solely in his imagination the expression on his face when he went over the edge. He had to see it for real.

Lex tried to call up more memories of that first time, to imagine that the possibilities were as new and fresh as they were then. Seeing Clark’s face when the moment finally came was always wonderful. He wanted to see Clark’s expression, today as much as he ever had. Wished he could see his eyes right now. But he knew it would be the same, knew Clark’s breath would catch, then gasp, that the clutch of his palms on Lex’s head would tighten, though not enough to hurt. That he would then freeze for a moment as though in intense agony, then he’d groan and whisper a curse word or two that would have shocked his parents, before spilling into Lex’s mouth.

When he came back to himself Clark was lying still, except for the big, warm hand that Lex felt again stroking his bare scalp. Clark stretched, reached down, and zipped himself up with a satisfied sigh.

“That was great,” He sounded a little dazed. “See, I told you…”

Lex chuckled and dropped back down on the mattress. “You’re too much, Clark. What the hell would my life be like, without you?”

Clark’s response was a smile and a big, satisfied sigh, so his next plaintive question took Lex off guard.

“Lex…I just have to ask this, and then I’ll shut up, I promise.”

“Go ahead,” Lex said easily. “Ask.”

“Why did you do it, Lex? All those girls….finding out about that really hurt me. Helen, Desiree, Victoria…they were bad enough. But if you loved me: why did you do it? Or is it that I’m just not enough?”

“We’ve both been hurting each other nonstop since we met, Clark. In countless ways.” A fact, no more, no less.

“Yeah. But I thought you loved me.”

“I do,” Lex said simply. “None of those women had anything to do with us. Believe me, Clark. None of them.”

Clark said nothing for a moment. He started to speak, then stopped, then pulled Lex closer. Lex waited.

“Then can we try our best to to put it all behind us? It’s not too late.”

Lex did nothing to block the dream visions that came drifting back. Bones, destruction.

And Clark, lost to him. Until recently, when they’d found their way back to each other once again, against most of the odds. Would it last?

He heard himself say, “I’m afraid,” and was broadsided immediately by the startled thought, I’ve never said that to anyone before.

“Afraid? Of what?”

“Of what might be coming. For both of us.”

He heard Clark’s voice. “It’s okay, Lex. I’m here. That’s not going to change.”

“How can you be sure of that?”

“Lex, we don’t have to keep hurting each other. You just have to trust me. Trust us. We’re friends.” He drew a deep breath. “Tomorrow, we have to talk. Because, sharing secrets with your best friend is a great and permanent cure for being afraid…and feeling alone.”

Secrets? Lex considered. He probably knew more than Clark thought he did. But still…the notion of Clark sharing them, freely…

“Okay. I won’t ask, now, but I’ll look forward to it.”

“Great. Me, too.”

“So shut up. You promised. Let’s go to sleep and we’ll be rested for the conversation.”

Clark laughed, then reached up and switched off the lamp. Then nestled back down beside Lex and drew him close. Lex felt hot breath in his ear, heard Clark’s soft voice whisper, “Good night,” and the tickle of soft hair against his cheek.

Lex relaxed into Clark’s arms, breathed deep of the clean, country scent of his skin.

He felt warm at last.

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