Seeing Clearly

by a campbell

Clark Kent/Lex Luthor, NC-17

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Summary: Clark can't see, he can only hear. And, feel.

Spoilers for "Whisper"

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"No great loss without some gain," Jonathan might have said. And, back when he could see, Clark might have rolled his eyes at yet another one of those inevitable proverbs, dispensed in his Dad's gruff, serious voice. Now, he had to agree. Devastating as it was to be suddenly blind, there were certain unexpected benefits.

Dinner, for example, was a whole new experience without sight. His mom would set a plate on the table before him, and not only did he have no idea whether it was everyday stoneware or seldom-used wedding china, but he couldn’t tell what was being served until he tasted it. If she told him what the main course was, that would narrow it down a little, but he still wasn’t sure whether he had chicken pie, creamed corn or fruit salad on his fork until it actually hit his mouth. But when it did, the taste was incredible. Because figuring out what he was eating was most of the fun.

Fun. He didn’t know how much other fun he'd have, now that he was blind. He had to be content with small things.

No more basketball--showing off his killer slamdunk for Pete. No pummeling fence posts into the ground, slamming them in place with his bare hands. No more superspeeding down the road, seeing through things, or making toast or popcorn with the heat vision. Or x-raying through Chloe's blouse, Lana's jeans, or Lex's sweater and trousers. He'd never been as ashamed of himself as by rights he should have been for indulging himself that way, and he'd miss all those amusements, big time.

No more of a lot of the things he loved.

It was tough, although he was really trying to put on a brave face for everyone. He'd always been able to do so much. Now...well, maybe Mom was right. He'd have to start letting people do things for him. And get used to it.

Clark remembered reading once that, when people lost their vision, their sense of hearing began working overtime. His mother had said much the same thing. It was true, but even more so in his case. He could hear things from a long way away: cows lowing and snorting outside the barn and across the fields, breezes rustling the branches of the pines behind the house. He couldn’t always determine immediately what the sounds were, but trying to figure them out was sort of entertaining. Some of the noises hurt his ears and gave him a headache. Some, he found oddly comforting. He could even hear the hum of traffic on the main street in town.

And, then, there was Lex.

Lex had been by the loft earlier that day. Clark couldn’t see his parents' expressions now, but his folks always seemed to split as soon as Lex showed up, and he wasn't sure whether to be chagrined or relieved. Sometimes he'd wished they'd stick around and be friendly, because Lex didn't get enough genuine affection in his life. Sometimes he was just pleased they were gone and he and Lex could be alone.

This afternoon, he'd told Lex about Lionel, leaving out the part about Chloe. And Lex hadn't said much, but had gotten really quiet, and then shortly made a brusque excuse to leave. Clark listened after him, and could still hear his voice as he got into the car, the whispered, then shouted profanity as the Porsche's engine revved to life.

Clark felt a brief twist of regret. Had it been worth upsetting him? Lex had already been through so much. Maybe he shouldn't have told him about Lionel’s non-plans for him at Luthorcorp. But, he'd just thought Lex should know. Lionel was a bastard and a creep. And the more information Lex had to arm him, the better. Besides, and Clark felt a bit guilty about this, he couldn't resist telling Lex something he didn't know, proving that, for once, he was better informed than his friend. That almost never happened.

Clark sighed. That wasn’t very noble. And he wished the visit had been a better one.

He missed Lex. They hadn't seen much of each other since Lex was released from Belle Reve. When he first got back home, he hadn't seemed much like himself. It hurt Clark to remember the anxious enthusiasm Lex had shown for being healthy again. And, as much as a relief as it was that Lex seemed to remember nothing about him having unusual powers, Clark also felt a thin, keen stab of disappointment. It would have been such an amazing relief to have him finally know.

Not to have to dissemble any more.

But, he hoped finally that at least Lex was getting better at last.

Even with Clark's new, improved sense of hearing it was quiet in the barn that evening. Much as he loved his folks, being around them for extended periods frayed his nerves. Especially now. He'd had to get out of the house for a few hours.

He was sure the temperature must have dropped as he sat there. But he couldn’t check the barn thermometer to find out how cold it was. He'd have to ask someone, and there was no one around.

Oh, well.

This was just another bummer in a horrible summer, fall, and winter.

He might never again see Lex's gaze kindle with interest when their eyes met. Enjoy his quirky, cool smile, the motion of his hips as he crossed the room in a slow glide. He'd miss being able to see his eyes soften with amusement at one of his dumb jokes, darken with desire when Clark stayed late on Friday nights. Soften with affection on waking when Clark bent to kiss him before super-speeding home before dawn.

He wasn't sure if Lex even remembered the most important part of their relationship. How close they'd been, they'd been lovers, for God's sake. He hadn't let on, or made a move on Clark, since he'd been back. And that was almost driving him crazier than the blindness was.

In a bit, Clark heard the scrape of metal as his dad took the flag off the front porch for the night, and the squeak of brakes when he pulled the truck in closer to the barn. Clark tensed as he heard the thud of the truck door just below the loft, but his father didn’t come in. His dwindling footsteps indicated he'd gone back to the house.

Clark settled back on the couch, letting his eyes drop closed. When he was seated, he didn't have the dizzy sensation that had plagued him since this whole thing began.

He could detect the sound of Lex's car when it was still at least three miles off in the distance. He listened, breath shallow, as the roar of the expensive engine drew closer, till brakes squeaked lightly outside the barn. Heard Lex step out of the vehicle, scuff over the dirt, walk slowly up the steps, the jingle of keys in his pocket unusually loud. Heard him clear his throat, softly.

Though his sense of hearing was growing keener by the hour, Clark still strained his ears, leaning toward the stairway. He held his breath, waiting for Lex to speak. It wouldn't do to let him know he'd heard, knew who it was. In a moment, he heard his dusky, silk-smooth voice.

"You're really the same old Clark?"

Clark turned with what he hoped looked like a grin of surprise, realizing belatedly that Lex could probably barely see him through the gloom. "Lex!"

"Clark. My exit this afternoon was a bit on the abrupt side, so I thought I'd come by again. Finish our conversation off properly." His voice came closer, and the couch dipped as he sat down beside Clark. "I can tell you're trying to be brave. You don't need to be, not on my account. It's not as if you haven't seen me at my most vulnerable, and more than once."

"Yeah," Clark replied. His tongue felt thick in his mouth, and he swallowed hard. "I am. I may not be able to see anymore, but..."

"We're on equal ground."

"Lex," He leaned in, first putting a hand on Lex's wrist. When he had determined where he was, he continued, letting his voice drop for emphasis. "We've always been equals in the things that really matter." He hoped that, somehow, Lex would know what he meant.

Though Clark couldn't see, he figured Lex's face was graced by the small half-smile so characteristic of his friend. He felt the side of Lex's palm trail down his cheek, heard him say softly, "Too bad about the accident," he said. "But we won't talk about it."

"Good. Don't." Clark wasn’t really giving a lot of thought to his response. He was just busily, fervently, thanking God that Lex had touched him again. He remembers, he thought, a slow burn of delight kindling deep in his stomach. His heart felt warm and full, and a delicious quiver was skittering down his spine from top to bottom.

He knew Lex's face was close to his even though there had been no sound as he moved in. Felt Lex's breath warm on his lips before his tongue teased his mouth open. Clark pulled off his dark glasses and let them drop to the floor. "Don't step on them," in a warning mumble around Lex's mouth as he let arms go around Lex's slim body. He opened his own lips so Lex could deepen the kiss.

In an instant, Clark felt himself pressed back on the couch, and surrendered giddily to the sensation. He could even hear his own heart quicken its pace as Lex's hands dived under the flannel of his shirt, and roamed up both sides of his ribcage. Clark reached up, found Lex's head, felt the pearl-smooth skin of scalp beneath his trembling fingers. Opened his mouth as Lex's lips met his once again.

He broke the kiss, and, as Lex raised his head, touched the smooth skin of Lex's face, smiling as his sensitive fingertips detected a blemish or two, covered with concealer. He could hear Lex's deep, steady breaths, the slow thud of his heart, blood thrumming, coursing in his veins. Feel him touch the cleft on his chin, then the lick to it that followed. Then, back on his mouth, another kiss, wetter, warmer, even deeper.

Clark was losing himself in heat and darkness, but something about this encounter seemed strangely familiar. Almost like the time Lex had blindfolded him, just for fun, and tied his wrists to the bedpost with lavender silk before teasing, tantalizing, and finally, mercifully, sucking him off. Making him guess from which direction the next sensuous touch would come. Maddening, but really cool. Especially with the ice cubes. Clark could feel his face warm with an embarrassed blush at the memory.

Only somehow this was better. He didn’t recall ever enjoying a kiss so much before.

Lex pulled away, and both of them gasped for breath. Clark could hear Lex muttering swear words for the second time that day, and hoped it was too dark for Lex to notice his big grin.

"Wanted to do this to you before, but broad daylight. Your folks...afraid they'd come back."

"So that's why you came back," Clark said quietly, blessed relief coursing through him, lips curving into a smile. Wondering if Lex had noticed as he pressed against him how hard he was. Hoping he had.

"Over the last couple of years, I've learned the value of not pissing Jonathan off." Lex’s breath still came in soft pants, and Clark felt the gentle squeeze of a firm hand on his thigh.

He heard the low, rumbling chuckle in his own throat, and reached out to cover Lex's hand with his own.

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Once, Lex would have made Clark reach out, plead for each new sensation. Brought him to the brink and then pulled back, made him beg for completion. It had been one of his favorite games, with or without blindfolds. And, as frustrating as it could be at times, Clark had enjoyed it, too. Lex knew how to do anticipation, that was for sure. He was a master at it. When Lex tortured him that way, it just made Clark want him all the more.

But not this time.

"I can't see your face anymore," Clark's moan was scarcely more than a whisper. "I want to see it."

"Feel it," said Lex. He took Clark's hands in his slim ones and lifted them to his own face. "Touch it. See me that way."

He reached, hesitant hands mapping Lex's chin, cheeks, and lips. Felt Lex turn his head, then, the rough, wet pass of Lex's tongue over his questing fingers, drawing a shudder from somewhere deep within him. Lex shifted, tightened his arms around Clark.

Clark settled back onto the couch and waited, hardly daring to breathe. Within a moment, he felt Lex's slim body settle over his. He arched up into him as Lex whispered in his ear.

"I'll make it all right. You won't need to be able to see."

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Senses charged, Clark waited. After a few more fevered kisses, Lex got up. No, thought Clark, suddenly bereft. Then, Lex's hand was on his fly, outlining the hardness beneath with a fingertip. His own hands scrabbled to unbutton, unzip his jeans. He fumbled, hesitated, and Lex's slim, deft fingers were there, helping him unfasten, free himself from the damp confines of his boxers. His cock sprang up into the cool air, and within an instant, was engulfed in the warm, wet heat of Lex's mouth. Clark groaned as Lex sucked him, shifted on the coarse fabric of the couch so he could push even deeper into his mouth. He forced himself to cup Lex's head with gentleness, not force, fight against his tendency to be too reckless when excited. Thank Krypton, Lex hadn't made him beg this time.

When Clark came, he was astonished to see stars, bursting behind his eyelids in white-gold clusters of light. He guessed he must not need real sight for that.

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Lex lay quiet, sprawled across Clark's stomach and chest, probably half-dozing, Clark mused. The palm of his hand wandered down Lex's back, and Clark tried to guess which shirt he was wearing. Dark red, dark blue? He couldn’t tell from the weave. He stroked gently through the thin fabric, savoring the ripple of lean muscles and tautness of skin With a sigh of contentment, he moistened his bruised lips with his tongue.

Being together again was beyond good. Please God, nothing would ever come between them again.

He touched his own cheek with shaking fingertips. It was wet.

Lex's hand was there in an instant, following his, tracing the tear's path down his face. Succeeded by a gentle kiss.

"Easy, Clark. It's all going to be okay. For both of us."

When Lex spoke in that soothing voice, it was impossible for Clark not to believe whatever he said. But he shook his head. "It's not because I'm blind. It’s because I couldn't help you."

"You have helped me." He didn't think Lex's soft voice would have been audible with normal hearing.

Clark smiled through tears, because he loved Lex so much and was thankful to have him back.

And because life was good, even without sight.

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Blindness sucked eggs, most of the time. Except with Lex. Who had taken his shirt off, and shivered; Clark could hear the light chatter of his teeth. He pulled the worn afghan from the back of the couch and draped it over Lex's shoulders, then reached out to draw him in again.

"Stay with me," Clark pleaded, shocked to hear that he sounded like a whimpering child. "Just for awhile. It’s dark."

He felt Lex's arm go around his shoulder. Clark leaned in, cuddling close, warming cool flesh with the heat of his own body.

"Just feel me, Clark. I'm here with you till morning."

The sounds fading to quiet were the last thing Clark remembered before he fell asleep.

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