The Best Laid Plans

by a campbell

Smallville, Clark Kent/Lex Luthor

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This is for Oxoniensis' Clex Hexed Sex challenge. The phrase I was given to use is: "It's not much of a mouthful." Unabashedly silly clich fic. What else can I say? Had to keep it funny, since no one REALLY wants the guys to have bad sex!

Thanks to my beta and Muse, Fajrdrako. Also to the kind fan (whose name's been misplaced) who assisted me with brand names, etc. for Luthor manor furniture.

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"The best laid plans of mice and men
Gang aft agley."

Robert Burns, 1759-1796

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The pressure had begun shortly after Clark's sixteenth birthday. But Lex summoned all his strength and held firm. Against the puppy eyes, the pouting, the earnest teenage arguments Clark levelled at him with regularity. Lex wouldn't be tempted to be selfindulgent, rash or foolhardy, the way he might have been, two, three years before. Since he'd come to Smallville, almost died, and met Clark, he'd tried diligently to improve his approach to life. That included not making foolhardy, self-indulgent mistakes that might injure his, or Clark's, reputations. He was going to be the responsible one, the disciplined one, the one with all the willpower. They'd kissed, they'd cuddled, they'd fooled around--but no real sex, not yet. They would wait.

The typical conversation, often replayed:

"Don't push, Clark."

"But Lex, please. When can we do it? I'm sixteen, now."

"Not yet, Clark."

"Pllleeeaaasssee?"

"When you whine like that, all you're doing is proving you're not old enough. So, stop."

"Then, when?"

"Seventeen. You'll be old enough, then."

"How old were you? Your first time?"

"Not old enough. That's how I know."

"Sixteen, right?"

Lex would thin his lips, remaining silent.

"I'm old enough, now," Clark would insist. "I can't wait much longer, Lex."

If he were near enough at that point, Clark would take Lex's palm in his own and press it to the front of his slacks. Lex would swallow, hard, and pause for a moment before pulling his hand away. When he spoke again, his voice would be noticeably fainter.

"You'll wait until the time is right."

"Don't let's wait any more, Lex. Please."

Lex would bite his lip then.

Clark would try very hard to look pathetic and vulnerable as he spread his hands. "You make me so hot, Lex. I really want you. Bad."

Lex shook his head, adamant. "No."

Clark kicked a sneakered toe against the desk and swore.

"Stop it, Clark," Lex swiveled around in his chair, and counselled tiredly, patiently. "Really mature. Stop sulking. And, don't kick the furniture. That's European Modern."

"Big deal," Clark snapped.

"It is a big deal. And you need to grow up quite a bit before we can even consider having sex."

Clark had been begging for sex for months.

But Lex had all the willpower of a twenty-two year old. He wouldn't be twenty-three till November, and Clark turned seventeen in October. More or less; his parents always celebrated his birthday on October 15, the day they had found him--or, he had found them. Lex didn't know all the details, of course. He did know that he and Clark had a few days less than a month of being only five years apart instead of six. Lex was also aware that every task he himself tackled, he executed with perfection. He was the best at everything he did. Period. And, he wanted Clark's first time to be perfect. So, things couldn't be rushed. They'd have to be planned.

Clark would move in closer then, and aim a warm breath into Lex's ear.

"I'm so hard, Lex. I've been hard for the last year." His near-whining would have been annoying, had it not been so sexy. "Please...."

Lex would sigh, and brush his brow with a hand kept barely steady.

As Clark's birthday relentlessly approached, Lex, staying calm, gave the matter some serious thought. That could be Clark's birthday present. He'd stipulated they had to wait until Clark was seventeen, after all. And soon, he would be.

Lex decided.

After all, hadn't he been the most patient of men, himself?

It was time.

He made the proposal to Clark on a balmy Indian-Summer afternoon. Clark had arrived at the mansion hefting the overflow from a bumper crop of Kent apples, a variety titled, most appropriately, Lex thought, "Maiden Blush."

Lex followed Clark into the manor kitchen, slipping his arms around him as he turned from setting the bushel basket on the counter. Clark caught his breath, looking surprised, and Lex couldn't help noticing the way his face softened with pleasure. He planted a quick kiss on Clark's cheek before he began to speak.

"The weekend after your birthday," Lex proposed, "I'll be out of the country on business all week. Saturday afternoon. Nothing work-related is going on, the Crows have an away game, and we'll have the manor all to ourselves."

Clark raised his eyebrows, looking doubtful, as though he expected Lex to say, "April Fool!" any minute--even though it was October. "For real?" he said slowly, as though he hardly dared to hope.

"Clark, would I tease about something so important?"

"Maybe," said Clark. "Depending on the situation."

"Well, this is no tease. It's your birthday."

"Ah," said Clark, and his eyes shone. Lex looked away, but couldn't help smiling, too, at Clark's response.

"All good," said Clark, "Here? That's great, Lex. Beats the loft. You've got such a great bed." His eyes sparkled with anticipation, and then darkened in concern as he bent his head slightly to look into Lex's eyes. "Your dad won't be here, will he?"

"He's got to be in Helsinki by Thursday that week."

"Okay, great." Clark smiled with relief.

"What about your folks? Will they be occupied enough not to wonder where you are?"

"I think so," said Clark. "Dad's going to be busy harvesting the rest of the apples."

"Well, then," Lex said smoothly, leaning back in his desk chair and regarding Clark with the smooth, satisfied expression of a tycoon who has just closed a profitable business deal. "We have a date."

"Deal?" said Clark. "Okay. Promise me nothing is going to get in the way of this, Lex."

Lex got up and strode over to the window. "I'm giving you my word, Clark" said Lex, not meeting Clark's gaze, but looking at the garden outside, which was blanketed in autumn leaves. "I have it all planned out. It's firm."

Even Clark had to chuckle at his choice of words as he stepped over and pulled Lex in close to him. "You won't be jet-lagged?" he murmured, nibbling at his ear.

"No," said Lex, trying to ignore the delicious shiver that skidded down his spine at Clark's touch. "I'll be coming back from Europe."

"Oh, right." Clark gave Lex one more squeeze, a gentle one, before releasing him.

"Come over at 1:00. After your lunch," Lex instructed, sinking back into his desk chair. He liked to sit here when talking with Clark, because he knew it made him feel, and look, more authoritative. Lex liked looking authoritative.

"I won't be hungry," protested Clark. "For lunch, anyway." And he chuckled.

"You're always hungry," Lex remarked. "But, whatever." Lex paused for a moment, his control seeming to desert him. He looked searchingly up into Clark's eyes, as though trying to determine whether he were really serious about this, after all.

Clark waited.

"I'll want to make it really good for you, Clark," Lex said softly.

Clark swallowed, hard, and his eyes burned. He stepped around the chair, leaned over the back, and licked the top of Lex's ear, then blew a soft breath into the canal. Lex flinched and batted away the hand the Clark was smoothing over his chest.

"Knock it off, Clark. Hold that thought till the weekend. And save me a piece of cake."

Clark lowered his voice to a throaty murmur. "Sure you want to wait that long, Lex? There's always this afternoon--"

Lex turned sideways and leveled the sternest of glances.

"Do I at least get a kiss?"

"Sure." Lex turned his cheek up to Clark, but Clark, leaning in, grabbed his chin. In a moment, Lex was enjoying an open-mouthed kiss so practiced and hot that he found himself wondering how innocent Clark really was, after all. Clark broke the kiss after a long moment, leaving Lex panting, with eyes glazed.

"Clark, just clarify one thing for me," he said, when he could speak again. "This will be your first time, right?"

Clark beamed, then, his face fell; he looked immensely offended. "How can you say that, Lex? You know it is! I've been saving myself for you!"

"Just checking," Lex said. "So, let's plan on it, then. See you at one?"

Clark nodded, eyes shining. "It's finally going to happen. I can't wait," he said, leaning in to brush his lips across Lex's cheek, more gently, this time. Lex put a hand on Clark's arm as he indulged in a smile so slight Clark could never have noticed.

He didn't say so, but he thought the same thing.

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Lex opened the manor door to Clark at 12:59 Saturday afternoon.

"I tried not to be early, but I was finished with my chores, and thought I'd better get out while I could," was Clark's breathless greeting. "Before the folks decided they really needed my help, after all. I'm so tired of apples!" He sighed.

"You're right on time," said Lex as easily as if Clark were just making his customary produce delivery. "Come in."

As Clark stepped into the foyer, Lex realized with astonishment that he felt shy, all of a sudden. And he never felt shy. He cleared his throat.

"I'm forwarding all calls to my answering service," he continued. "All the staff have the afternoon off."

"Perfect," said Clark. "Thanks, Lex."

Lex stepped back and scanned him up and down. Clark wore a long-sleeved white shirt and gray linen slacks. "You dressed up for me this afternoon," Lex smiled, lightly fingering the sleeve of Clark's shirt. Clark laughed, because Lex was basically wearing the same thing. Only, his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows.

"Ceremonial clothing," Lex observed.

"Special occasion," Clark agreed, and, he almost would have sworn that Lex blushed. But, Lex never blushed.

"Clark's loss of virginity," said Lex easily, in a soft voice. "Very special indeed."

So Clark blushed, just to even the score. He couldn't quite decipher Lex's cryptic expression, but he knew he liked it. Waiting a moment for the heat to fade from his cheeks, he pulled a bunch of asters, zinnias and mums from behind his back and pushed them into Lex's hand. "For you," he said.

"Clark, you shouldn't have." Lex chuckled. But he took the flowers, and bent to take a whiff of their spicy fragrance. "Nice. Not from your mother, I hope."

"Only in a roundabout way. No," said Clark, moving in close, putting his arms around Lex. "From me."

He bent in for a kiss, but stopped as he remembered something. "Oh. Wait."

Lex waited, taking a deep breath and raising one eyebrow. The whiff of spice alerted him to the fact that Clark had probably slathered on his Dad's deodorant and cologne with abandon.

This was going to be fun, he thought.

Clark, meantime, was reaching into the pocket of his pants and produced a small, partlymushed foil-wrapped package. He pressed the bundle into Lex's other hand."Here's some of my cake. Sorry, it's not much of a mouthful. Too many people with big appetites at my party. But I did manage to save you some. It's chocolate."

Lex smiled and dropped his gaze as he took the parcel."Thanks, Clark. We'll share it later, for dessert."

"Almost brought you some more apples, but...umm. ..Dad was harvesting the 'Jonathans' today."

Lex gave him the skeptically-raised eyebrow. "Good choice, Clark. Besides, we still have the entire bushel of 'Maiden Blush' you delivered Wednesday."

"Yeah," Clark murmured, blushing again, almost on cue. He dropped his voice and moved in closer. Lex registered a blur of warm green eyes, creamy skin, and film of stubble on Clark's upper lip.

"Bring anything else?" Lex queried. He swallowed hard.

"Massage oil, candles...lube." Clark spoke in a throaty whisper, enjoying the look of blank astonishment that settled in on Lex's face. He laughed, low. "No, I'm kidding. I figured you'd have all that stuff. I just brought cake and flowers."

"Well, thanks, Clark. You just made me really hard."

"Serves you right," Clark reached down to touch the zipper of Lex's slacks. "Turnabout is fair play."

Lex fingered the collar of Clark's shirt. "Dessert later," he repeated, dropping his voice almost to a whisper, and laying the flowers down on the table. "Let's get started on the main course." He opened the door to the study, and stepped aside so Clark could go in first.

Once inside, Lex put an arm on Clark's elbow and turned him around, and opening his arms to welcome Clark into an embrace. He felt blessedly back in control, now.

He ran one hand down Clark's chest, and the other through Clark's dark locks with a smile. "You washed your hair for me," he murmured in a voice of silk.

"Yeah..." said Clark, leaning into Lex's caress like a kitten.

Lex closed in for a kiss that was intense. Even though he was a few inches shorter than Clark, he was in control. Clark bent his head, wrapping strong arms around Lex as the kiss deepened. Lex's arms slipped around Clark's waist and backed him to the wall.

Clark broke the kiss. "I've waited a long time for this," he began, then trailed off.

So have I, Lex thought, his feverish thoughts at war with his cool outside demeanor. "Cut the chatter, Clark," he directed, putting one slim fingertip on Clark's full, moist bottom lip. "It's unnecessary right now."

Clark opened his mouth to protest, but Lex moved in for a continuation of the kiss before he could speak, and Clark let himself melt into it. Time seemed frozen as they traded lips and tongues. They were both gasping when it broke, and gazed at each other, chests heaving, for a long moment. No words were necessary.

Clark licked his lips and closed his eyes as Lex dropped to his knees in front of him.

He held himself very still, held his breath, and let his crotch move forward ever so slightly in anticipation. A sheen of perspiration appeared on his upper lip. Lex nuzzled his erection through the linen, and nipped at it through the fabric, making Clark moan with pleasure.

"Yeah..." he breathed in a whisper. His hands moved to clutch Lex's scalp, and then dropped. Clark fidgeted, knowing he couldn't trust himself to be gentle right now.

"Shh," said Lex. "Easy." He laid a palm flat on the hard, cloth-trapped member, pressing the head with the ball and nail of his thumb, noting with a chuckle the damp spot spreading on the material. He reached for Clark's zipper with his other hand, eased it down, and reached inside.

"No underwear, eh?" he observed.

"Not today," Clark said, hoping desperately that he sounded casual.

Lex was unable to suppress a flicker of fascination as he drew forth Clark's cock. At last, he mused, hardly daring to breathe.

"I thought you'd be like this," said Lex quietly, reaching to touch the moist head with gentle fingers. "Uncut. Because you're so perfect in every other way. Unspoiled." He touch the tip of his tongue to the head, lightly, pushing the foreskin carefully back, and Clark responded with a quivering sigh, raising trembling hands to brush Lex's scalp.

Lex sucked for a moment and then pulled off. "You're so gorgeous, Clark," he whispered. "And mine."

Clark shivered, let his eyes fall slowly shut, and waited.

Lex was just opening his mouth to take Clark down when the sound of voices gradually getting louder filtered into the room.

His mouth snapped shut, he pulled back, and looked up worriedly, in time to see Clark's expression go from glazed with pleasure to worried in a heartbeat.. He had frozen in the middle of a deep breath.

"Someone's coming," Lex hissed in an urgent whisper. "But, no one should be here, damn it!"

Clark didn't move.

"Quick," Lex scrambled to his feet, giving Clark a shove--hard--toward the timbered stairway door. "In there. Now!"

"Ow, Lex!" Clark complained, trying to pull himself together as he half-fell into the stairwell.

Lex shut the door behind them, and listened. After a moment, he opened the door the barest of cracks and peered out into the room.

"Clark, it's my father." He tried to sound matter-of-fact, to keep the dismay from his voice.

If Lex thought Clark's gaze was dark as a tempest, the glance he then threw at the door resembled a bolt of lightning.

"Nooo..." Clark moaned. He gripped Lex's arm so tightly in frustration that Lex winced and tried to move away.

"Quiet, Clark," he said. "Or, he'll hear." Lex felt an odd thud at his hip, and glanced down to see Clark's still-exposed cock bumping against him, and leaking. "Clark," he spat, "You need to zip up, quick!" He reached down, fumbling with both skin and material, trying to help, but Clark's cock wouldn't fit back inside his slacks.

Clark cast him a dark look of frustration. "Ouch! Watch the zipper." He couldn't feel much pain, but it was annoying, all the same. "I'll do it," Clark fumed, shoving Lex's hand away. He tucked in and refastened, albeit with difficulty.

They stood in the stairwell, hardly daring to breathe.

"You said he wasn't going to be here, Lex. Why is he?"

Lex frowned.

"Something must have come up."

Clark groaned in frustration. "Yeah, right." He smoothed a hand over the bulge that was straining the front of his slacks, and made a sound half like a chuckle, more like a sob.

"Just wait," Lex hissed, but slipped an arm around Clark anyway, drawing him a little closer. "He won't be here long. I hope. Hmm. Wonder who he was talking to?"

"Dominic, probably," Clark was squiting and frowing at the closed door. "What's this door made of, anyway?" he demanded.

"Imported Scandinavian timber, with lead lining."

"Oh," Clark replied. He kept trying to see around Lex, or to x-ray through him.

"What's he doing?" Clark demanded.

"Getting some papers together. Thank God my files are locked."

Lex stroked Clark's arm, trying to calm, gentle him.

"What's he doing, now?"

"Shut up, Clark. I can't tell. He's behind the corner of the--"

Lex broke off as the sound of Lionel's voice drifted out again from the office. In the semi-darkness, the young men gripped each other tightly.

"Who's he talking to?" Clark craned his neck around Lex, trying to see out the crack.

"Martha," Lex sounded as though he were talking to himself, but Clark picked it up at the same time he caught a glimpse of his mother in the room outside.

"Mom," Clark moaned. "Oh, no." He stomped his foot. "Another weekend work session?" he snapped in a whisper, glaring at Lex.

"I don't know," Lex replied. "Quiet."

"This wasn't part of the plan, I hope!" He's going to burst into tears in a moment, Lex thought.

"Come on, Clark. Grow up." Lex wasn't trying to be mean, but he felt quite stressed himself.

"What was so important, Lionel?" they both heard Martha say.

They could hear the tones of Lionel's voice, but couldn't make out the words. Lex stood still as a statue, holding his breath, listening carefully.

"What are they saying, Lex?"

"He's telling her he appreciates her coming over here on a weekend to work," he responded in a whisper.

"So they are going to be working here?" Clark complained. "Shoot me now! Why here? What's wrong with working at Luthorcorp?"

Lex shushed him again, and continued to listen.

Snatches of dialogue continued to float back to them. Martha's voice was more audible than Lionel's, and even when they couldn't make out the words, they could hear it rising in agitation.

In a minute, Clark joggled Lex's arm. "What's going on, now?"

"Martha's going over to the window and Dad is following. She--your mom--is saying that things have to change."

"Change how?" Clark wondered.

"She's saying that, when she started working for Lionel, she'd hoped to make a difference for Smallville, not lose her entire life. That, if things don't change, she'll have to quit."

"Oh. Wow. Something's so wrong."

They subsided into uneasy silence. Then Clark stirred again. Lex could feel the warmth from his body, and swallowed hard.

"What's happening now, Lex?"

Lex licked his dry lips before answering. "Lionel's...um...he's talking so low that I can't hear. He's close to your mother, though. They're by the window."

"Hmm."

A few more minutes passed, then Clark tapped Lex's arm. "What now?"

Lex didn't answer, but stood gazing through the crack as though mesmerized.

"Lex?" Clark whined in a whisper.

"Clark." He wet his lips with his tongue again, and opened his mouth as though to speak, but then shut it again, having said nothing.

"What?"

"He's...uh...they're. God, Clark. Don't ask." Lex pulled back from the crack, looking pale even allowing for the wan light that filtered in through the frosted window.

Clark hissed in exasperation. "Let me see," said Clark, pulling Lex to the side. He looked out, then his eyes grew round as dinner plates.

He hissed. "Oh, my God! Lex! He's--"

"I know, Clark. Shut up!" Lex groaned. His eyes fell close, and he covered his brow with one hand.

"Aw, God!" Clark moaned with a wince.

Lex said nothing.

"He's touching my mom. I'll kill him," gasped Clark in a whisper. "Let go, Lex!" He tried to pry Lex's fingers from his arm.

Lex held fast, clapping the other hand over Clark's mouth. "Clark, no. Stop. Wait. Shssh. They can't know we're here."

"Like hell," Clark mumbled around Lex's hand.

"Wait. She's in control. And, my dad's not a rapist. At least, I don't think he is! Let's listen." Clark bent to look out the crack.

He gave a small sigh of relief after a moment. "He had his hand on her breast before. She must have pushed it away. Good. Now, he's just stroking her arm." Clark spoke through clenched teeth. "Move away, Mom. That's it."

Clark shifted from one foot to the other in order better to see out the narrow opening.

"She's telling him she's a happily married woman, and that he must be joking. Right. She is!" Clark insisted, turning to Lex, and Lex's lips twitched at his earnestness.

"Now, he's smiling in that way that's kind of a putdown--you know what I'm talking about, right? and shaking his head. He's lifting her hand up and kissing it. This is really bugging me, Lex. I can't just stand here and watch."

"You can't go out there, Clark!"

"I can, too. I have to!"

"They'll know what we--"

The resounding smack from the office was loud enough to be heard by both. They stopped talking, froze, and jostled for position, each finally managing, somehow, to find a viewing spot.

"Whoa!"

"No one hits Lionel," Lex observed, as though in a trance. "Ever."

"Well," said Clark, "It just happened." He tried desperately to muffle a half-hysterical chuckle.

Lex said nothing.

"I'm going home," they both heard Martha declare "and, I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't refer to this again."

Clark and Lex watched her stalk across the wide office space. She turned back before she stepped out the door. Lionel was fiddling with something in Lex's desk with one hand, smoothing a palm over his recently-smacked cheek with the other, and not looking at her.

"You should try to be more like your son," she levelled at him before she departed, closing the door, loudly.

"Yeah. Wow," said Clark, stunned. "Go, Mom."

A minute later, Lionel slammed the desk drawer shut and exited the room.

The young men waited in the stairwell for the dust to settle, both almost afraid to go back into the room. Clark finally exhaled, turning to grab the door handle.

Lex reached out abruptly and pulled Clark close to him. He leaned his brow against Clark's, and sighed, deeply.

"I'm sorry, Clark. This kind of put a damper on our afternoon."

"Wow," Clark mumbled. "What a turn-off. Yuck. Your dad, groping my mom."

"Your mom, decking my dad."

"Talk about the equivalent of a cold shower."

They both looked at each other and laughed.

"Well," said Clark. "I hope never to see anything like that again."

"Agreed," said Lex. "Once was enough!"

"I might not be in the mood any more, Lex." Clark admitted ruefully, gliding his palm down over the much less conspicuous front of his slacks. Lex glanced down, looking in vain for any signs of life.

"That's okay, Clark." Neither am I, he thought.

"Maybe I should just go home." Clark said pathetically. "Guess that's probably where Mom went."

Lex thought a moment. "No. Listen to me, Clark. We are not going to let this spoil our plans. It's nothing but a moment's unpleasantness. No need to be upset. Look how well your mom handled herself, after all."

Clark couldn't help smiling at that, and his eyes glowed with pride.

Lex put his arms around Clark, and, lifting one hand to cup his chin, coaxed him in for a kiss. Clark tried to pull back after a minute, but Lex held him tight.

"Better, now?"

Clark nodded, and Lex released him with reluctance, reaching up to ruffle his hair.

"Let's get dinner and rest a bit. Watch a movie, maybe. Then, we'll give it another try. How about pizza? And, hey, we still have cake for dessert!"

Clark took a deep breath and hesitated, then relaxed, and sent one of his dazzling smiles Lex's way.

"Lex," he said, "You're the best. This was worth the wait, and everything we went through today."

Lex was still planning the rest of the evening. "After that, maybe a shower. Not a cold one. Warm water, soap..." Lex drew Clark back into his arms, unable to resist, and nipped at his ear.

Clark made a whimpering sound before melting into Lex's embrace.

"I'll get you back in the mood," Lex vowed. "My plans for today and tonight are plans I don't intend to change."

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