Backfire

by a campbell

Smallville, Clark Kent/Lex Luthor

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This story has been lying around since last fall; if it seems dated, that's why. Just dusted it off a bit.

Thanks to Signe and JacynRebekah for beta assistance.

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I

The heat wave had broken late Monday evening, after Clark and Jonathan had left Luthor Manor. On the way home, doused by a cloudburst, they stared at each other in astonished pleasure, soaked and laughing, and everything seemed better, more normal again. Now, it was Friday, after supper, the evening air cool and crisp. The close of the fall semester’s first full week of school, and Clark felt an exhilaration, a charge, a restlessness in his blood. As though he were poised on the verge of some momentous change.

Clark thought of Lex’s wedding, a mere week before, when Clark himself had felt plunged into the center of a nightmare. Late summer heat so intense it was unnatural. Stifling air, perspiration, emotions blissful on the surface, but raw, charged, and volatile underneath. Hurt, jealousy, putting on a brave face. It was over, now. He could breathe again. Desiree was gone, and it felt like a great blessing.

"Going for a walk," Clark called to his mother and father, who smiled and nodded, relieved simply to have him home safely once again. Pulling a light jacket on over his t-shirt, he let the screen door fall shut behind him and headed off down the dirt road in the direction of Luthor Manor.

Clark had barely been able to sleep since that last grueling night at Lex’s home. Now that Desiree’s treachery had come to light, his yearning for Lex had invaded his every waking hour, and some of his dreams, where he relived the stark terror he'd felt as licking, leaping flames threatened to consume his friend. Painful as the whole episode had been, it had clarified many things for Clark. All his tenderness had come bubbling to the surface, all his emotions were in the open, now.

He was in love with Lex. And he knew that he never wanted to come that close to losing him, ever again. It was time to tell Lex how he felt. Stake a claim before someone else did. Things were going to change.

Clark wandered over to Luthor Manor at regular speed in order to savor the sight of the autumn sunset over the wheat fields. He loved fall, when the heat was finally gone and cooler weather had arrived. Promises of caramel apples, pumpkin pie, and candy corn. Looking forward to trick-or-treaters...they got a few, from neighboring farms. And, after that, Thanksgiving and Christmas.

There had been a fire in the fields during the heat wave. Centuries had passed since the early settlers had seen how Plains Indians cut swathes of grass on the waving plains of Kansas to slow down the progress of a prairie fire, but it was a technique that was still effectively employed. Clark stopped a moment to observe the flat, burned-out ground that had not yet begun to sprout new growth.

Was he wrong to hope that tonight would signal a fresh start for both of them?

II

Lex lay sprawled in the leather chair in front of the fireplace, an open book in his hands.. He looked up as Clark entered, and his face brightened with a rare smile. "Hey," said, Clark, smiling back, and Lex sat up and stretched.

"Clark," he began, laying his book aside. "Who’d have thought, last week, that a fire would be so welcome, so soon? Feels good, tonight."

Clark nodded in agreement. "You’re looking tired, Lex."

"I was at the hospital late last night. Dad had a bad spell." Lex sighed, and took a long sip of his amber drink.

"And then you worked all day today, right? Is he okay?" Clark wondered.

"Remains to be seen," said Lex, with a sigh. "He’s angry. Not used to being incapacitated." Lex took a bigger gulp of his drink, hesitated, and then continued. "He had a few choice things to say about my short-lived marriage."

"Still up for that, even though he was feeling bad, eh? Want to talk about it?" Clark knew Lex must be chafing under the burden of the newly-disabled Lionel’s care. Not to mention all the other baggage his father was piling on.

"Not particularly. Get yourself a drink. Some of this...in the refrigerator. Apple cider. Good for you," Lex chuckled, and Clark couldn’t help noticing how weary he looked. "Perfect beverage for fall."

Clark grabbed a tumbler from the bar and filled it from the plastic jug in the bar refrigerator as directed. He loved cider, and, taking several swallows at once of the cool, spicy liquid, went over and sat on the chair adjacent to Lex’s so that he was facing the fireplace, as well. Lex held out his glass in an informal toast.

"Thanks for coming over," he said. "Company is welcome."

"I’ve missed it," Clark said simply. "Missed seeing you."

"And, thanks for everything you did last week."

"No problem, Lex. I’m just glad it’s all over."

They sipped their drinks in silence for a bit. Clark settled back in his chair. It felt good to be here, just hanging out. No rush.

"School okay?" asked Lex.

"As usual," said Clark with a shrug.

"Everything repaired?"

"I guess so. Most everything. We still need a new projection screen for health class. It’s been ordered, just hasn’t arrived, yet. So, we get a break from those funky films."

"Ah..." Lex mused, a flash of memory passing across his face, and Clark’s heart twisted a little with a sympathy that was, again, quickly succeeded by relief. But he kept quiet, waiting till Lex was ready to proceed.

After a few moments, Lex resumed. "You know, Clark, as big a mistake as it all was, it felt good, not being alone, for awhile."

Clark nodded, and waited for him to continue.

"Someone by my side, day and night," Lex mused. "Sex, whenever I wanted it." Lex turned, and gave him one of those sleek, understated grins, and Clark felt warm in more ways than one, and glad, so glad, that he had Lex back again.

But he stirred uncomfortably, and responded with an embarrassed laugh. "Yeah. Must have been..."

"You don’t mind talking about it? At your age, it’s probably on your mind all the time, anyway, right?"

"Guess so," muttered Clark, with another shrug. It was certainly on his mind right now.

Lex grinned again. "How’s Lana, by the way?"

"Okay, I guess. I don’t know." And Clark scowled. Way to break the mood, Lex, he thought in mild exasperation.

Lex was back to his earlier train of thought. "A bad idea," he mused, "Getting married after just a few days. Still not sure how it happened."

"She was really attractive, Lex. Older, sexy. I got in serious trouble for ‘eyeing’ her, too, remember? Anyway, no one could blame you. She was pretty hard to resist."

Lex regarded Clark with bleak humor. "Well, I blame myself. But, let’s forget it, Clark. It’s over." Lex drained his glass of cider and set the glass down. "So, anyway, alone again. Hopefully a bit wiser. Better get used to solitude, I think. It’ll be my lot in life. Always knew it was meant to be this way."

"Don’t say that, Lex," Clark protested.

Lex sighed. "Might as well accept it, Clark. I’ll never find anyone who won’t try to take advantage of me, so...no more falling in love. I never want to get stuck returning that many wedding presents, again." His rueful smirk faded after barely a moment.

"Lex," said Clark. "You just need some down time. It’s been rough."

"Yeah," said Lex. "But educational."

Clark had finished his cider too, and set the glass down beside Lex’s. He waited a moment, and took a deep breath. He rose to his feet, stepped behind Lex’s chair, bent down, and began massaging his shoulders.

After an initial start of surprise, Lex sighed, and stretched, and Clark could feel the tenseness of the muscles under his hands. "Do that, Clark," said Lex, "and I may never let you go home."

"That’s okay," said Clark. "I don’t want to go home." He kneaded the knotted tightness of Lex’s shoulders slowly and steadily as he spoke, trying to coax him to relax. "Burns all healed, now?"

"Almost," said Lex. "Good thing you were ready with that tablecloth by the time the alcohol burned off. Still a little singed, but not bad."

"Good," said Clark. "Next time...if there is a next time..." and Lex gave a strangled chuckle, "...Remember to duck and roll, right away. Smother the flames as soon as you can." He kept up the rubdown, feeling Lex gradually melt under his hands. Lex sighed deeply, a sigh that trailed off into a moan of pleasure, and Clark’s own breath hitched at the sound. Consciously slowing his own breathing to a steady rhythm, he put his mind on pause and gave himself over to the sensation of blending with the other man. As he worked Lex’s muscles, he gradually began brushing and rubbing his own body in closer. And Lex, feeling the warmth radiating from Clark, shifted uneasily in the leather chair with an almost embarrassed chuckle.

"Thanks, Clark," he breathed. "That feels better." He made as though to sit up, but Clark held him in place.

"It’s okay," said Clark, continuing to pattern circles with his pressure on Lex’s shoulders. He moved his hands steadily down the other man’s back and let them move around the sides of his slender ribcage, still stroking.

"Thanks, but it’s a bit much for my shoulders," protested Lex, flinching just a little. "You don’t know your own strength." He cleared his throat. "Game of pool?"

"No," Clark murmured in a whisper. He bent his head, his hands still massaging, and blew softly into Lex’s ear. Lex shifted away from him, shrugged and straightened.

"Clark," Lex’s voice was quiet in the stillness. "What are you doing?"

"C'mon, relax," Clark cajoled. He administered a small nip to the top of Lex's ear, and slid one hand around to caress his chest.

Lex stilled Clark's hand with his own, and said steadily, "I think you'd better go."

"Thought you wanted company," Clark said evenly. He maneuvered his hand from beneath Lex’s, then dropped to his knees beside the chair. He grasped Lex’s hands and squeezed, all the while regarding him steadily and calmly. Lex, looking troubled and oddly vulnerable, met his eyes, holding his gaze for a heartbeat before the customary mask fell into place.

"I’m really tired, exhausted," Lex said casually, easily, easing his hands free and getting to his feet. "I just need to sleep. You should go."

Clark was silent for a moment, and, when he spoke, his voice was tinged with hurt, unpleasant surprise. "No, Lex, please. Don’t send me away. Let me stay."

"I told you, Clark, I’m tired. You may have boundless energy, but I don’t."

"I want to stay here tonight," Clark repeated in a low voice. "Don’t send me home."

Lex’s brief smile quickly faded, and he bit his lips. "And get in trouble with your folks? I’m trying to stay in their good graces, at least for awhile." He strode over to the pool table, and grabbed a cue.

"They won’t care," Clark murmured, moving over to stand beside Lex, moving in close.

Lex tried to chuckle as he aimed and shot. "You don’t expect me to believe that." The pool balls collided with a sharp crack as Clark licked his lips, leaned over and pressed his mouth to Lex’s cheek.

"I don’t care," the younger man said, in a low voice, his eyes veiled. He watched as the blood drained slowly from Lex’s face, and the pool cue dropped from his hand. Lex gripped the edge of the table, his knuckles whitening.

"Clark," he said, his voice quiet and tense. The room was dead quiet save for the crackle of the fire.

Clark clenched his hands into fists, frowning in frustration. "I just want you, Lex. Finally, tonight. I’ve waited so long. I’m tired of waiting." So what if he sounded like a whiny teenager, Clark thought, as long as he made his point.

"Clark," Lex repeated, his voice dropping even further, till it was no more than a velvet hum. "Do you really want your dad to come after me with his shotgun, again??"

"No," Clark said hotly, flinching at the low blow. But the sound of Lex’s voice was making him crazy.

"Right," Lex hissed. He walked back over to the fireplace, and stared down at the low-burning flames.

"Lex, could you please not bring up my parents? They’re not home tonight, anyway, so they won’t even know. Everything’s okay. Trust me. I know what I’m doing."

"No," Lex ‘s voice was clipped, now, as he fiddled with a figurine on the mantle, "No. You don’t know what you’re doing, Clark."

Clark’s expression grew dark, troubled. He went over to stand beside Lex, and gazed down at him, grateful for the slight advantage of a few inches of height, hoping he looked appropriately stern.

"Lex," Clark protested. "Don’t say that. You don’t mean it. You do want me." You have to, he thought desperately.

"This is wrong," Lex didn’t meet Clark’s eyes as he turned away. But Clark saw that he was breathing heavily, one hand gripping the mantelpiece, almost as though he were afraid. And Lex was never afraid. Never.

Clark bit his lower lip in distress. He reached out, and turned Lex toward him, brushing a hand down the front of Lex’s slacks. "Lex, you don’t want me to go. If you didn’t want me, you wouldn’t be this hard."

Lex’s sigh was exasperated, and almost embarrassed. "Just a reaction to the massage, Clark."

Clark snorted. "That’s bull, and you know it, Lex." He fumbled for one of Lex’s hands and pressed it to the front of his own jeans, so that Lex could see for himself that he wasn’t the only one. Clark leaned in close, and Lex turned away with an exasperated groan. "Don’t, Clark," he said. Clark could see Lex’s chest rising and falling, his hands trembling.

Clark was quivering, too; he felt warm, disoriented, giddy, which frequently heralded the onset of the heat vision. He tried desperately to calm himself. Tried, and failed. He shoved Lex against the stone side of the fireplace, and held him still for a moment. Trembling, trying to get control so he didn’t fry him.

"Don’t do this, Clark," Lex breathed, trying to hold him with a steady gaze.

Clark, shuddering, regained control of his vision, but couldn’t stop anything else. He bent his head and leaned in for a kiss, awkward at first, his lips connecting sloppily with Lex’s. Clark caught his breath, backed off and tried again, holding Lex steady, opening his lips to caress more slowly and carefully, this time. He could still taste cider. And Lex’s hands slowly unclenched, his arms rising to embrace Clark as he returned the kiss. Clark whimpered softly as he plundered Lex’s mouth, pressing his body close. "Please," he babbled distractedly, "Please."

Lex leaned back against the stone wall, his eyes closed. He seemed to be battling himself for control, and losing, Clark observed with frantic delight. He moved in again, and mouthed Lex’s neck, kneading the front of his shirt in one hand, reaching for the fastening of his slacks with the other. Lex groaned and pushed him back with both hands, and his glance was dark.

"Clark," said Lex, with a firm finality that caused Clark’s heart to sink down somewhere near the vicinity of his sandals, "This is a mistake."

"No. Please," Clark begged. He moved in close once again, forcing Lex to back even more tightly against the wall. He knew heat was radiating from his body, and he wanted Lex to feel it, be warmed by it.

"I want you. I want you to show me, teach me. Please, Lex. I don’t want to force this, but I need you."

"Fuck!" Lex spat. He tore himself from Clark’s embrace, and stumbled to the window. He stood silent, gazing outside, though it was too dark to see anything. Clark let his hands fall to his sides, and waited for Lex to speak, his chest rising, falling with ragged breaths. Lex turned to look at him briefly, and then looked away.

"We can’t do this, Clark," he began, and Clark felt his cheeks begin to burn as fiercely scarlet with disappointment as if they’d been branded. He started to speak, and then stopped, fuming with confused anger. After a moment, he tried again.

"Was I wrong, then?" Clark’s gaze was dark, hurt. "You only like women?"

Lex turned away, mumbling something under his breath, not meeting Clark’s eyes.

"Tell me," said Clark. "I need to know. Lex, I’ve always thought...that you liked me."

Lex smiled, then, and relaxed a little. "Clark. I don’t want to hurt you. But, you need to get control of yourself."

Clark cast a dark glance toward Lex, "I don’t believe that you don’t want me. I know you do. I’m trusting my instincts here, Lex."

"What I want doesn’t have much to do with it," Lex sighed. "That’s the last thing to be considered. I’m not letting passion get the better of me, not again. Besides," and here he sighed, "I’m not quite over her, yet, Clark."

"Lex," Clark insisted, "I know, but--I’m not like her. You can trust me. I’d do anything for you."

Lex regarded him for a moment, with a faint smile. "You know, I almost believe I could. But I won’t let myself, not yet. Clark," Lex reached up and cracked open the glazed windowpane. He paused to take a few deep breaths of the cool air that wafted in, and Clark waited.

"It may be you who doesn’t really understand," Lex continued. "You’re not wrong. I’ve wanted you for a long time. And, I never wanted to love you, but couldn’t help it." He stopped for a wry chuckle. "I fell like a ton of bricks that afternoon by the river. How long did it take you to notice?"

Clark caught his breath, and beamed. He could feel the blood rising and falling in his cheeks and neck. He could scarcely catch his breath for the elation he felt. Lex loved him.

Lex was still talking. "But, it’s a huge step, and I’m never going to rush into a relationship again. Ever."

Clark frowned. "How can you say this is rushing, Lex? We’ve known each other for a year. How much longer do--"

"Well," and Lex gave a wry snort. "I’ve been burned. In more ways than one. Besides," he added a little disdainfully, as a coda. "You’re sixteen."

"So?" Clark bit back. His glance flared, but he was still on a high from Lex’s admission, so he left it at that.

"So, it’s too soon." Lex’s statement sounded pretty final.

"I don’t want to wait," said Clark. "We’ve waited long enough."

"Clark," Lex put both hands on the younger man’s arms and held his gaze steadily with his own. "Listen to me, and don’t get all pouty." He guided Clark back down on the couch, and sat down beside him.

"You know that, if we had a relationship, it would be a serious thing, not just a fling or a one-night stand, right?"

"I guess so," Clark mumbled. He didn’t meet Lex’s gaze.

"Don’t you think any relationship we might have deserves the best chance we can give it? Shouldn’t we show some maturity? Consider your parents, and anyone else this might affect?"

"Don’t talk to me like I’m a kid, Lex." He knew that snapping at Lex would cause him to lose ground, but he couldn’t help it.

"I’ve had it with immature, impetuous behavior, Clark. And, I’m talking about my own here, not yours, despite the difference in our ages. Let’s give this the consideration it deserves, and make sure it’s the best thing for both of us before we do anything serious."

Clark sighed. This was so not what he wanted to hear. "Well," he said hesitantly, "How long do we have to wait?"

"Hard to say," Lex said. "Till we feel the time is right."

Clark knew his cheeks were burning with disappointment, but he felt suddenly cold. "Lex," he said , his voice intense, beseeching, "I almost lost you last week. First to a strange woman, and then...you almost died. Life is short. And, I’m growing up. I had to speak up. I know what I want, and I feel like the time is right now." He turned pleading eyes on Lex, hoping to melt his resolve.

"Well, Clark, as I indicated, I’m in need of some recovery time. So, be patient with me, okay? I’m new at trusting people. Trust me, you’ve gotten closer to me than anyone else has, lately. That’s no small triumph. You should be proud."

Lex took a deep breath before continuing. "You have grown up a lot over this past summer, Clark. You may not see it, but I can, and I’m impressed. Give it a little more time. Let’s be sure it’s what you really want. A little maturity never hurt anything...age seventeen might be good. That’s not that far off, you know."

Clark considered, and then sighed. No, it wasn’t.

"So, hold that thought. Just a bit longer. Give me just a bit more time."

When Lex finished speaking, Clark sat quietly.

"Clark, are you okay? I hope you don't..."

"I’m okay, Lex," Clark was again master of himself, as he rose to his feet.

Guess it is time for me to go, he thought.

Lex was regarding him a little worriedly, and, for some reason, Clark found that gratifying.

Lex hadn’t totally blown him off. They were going to wait and see. He could still hope.

"Didn’t mean to attack you tonight," he mumbled. "Sorry."

Lex raised his eyebrows, but said nothing.

"It’s just...you’re so HOT."

Lex almost looked as though he wanted to laugh.

They locked gazes, and Clark smiled, too.

Tonight has been enough to stoke my fantasies for awhile, he thought. At least for another week. Definitely for tonight. He flashed Lex his trademark winsome grin, a naughty sparkle in his blue-green eyes.

"You sure you’re all right?" Lex asked, looking rather worried, after all his declarations and stipulations.

"Yeah, sure." Clark said, turning to leave. When he reached the door, he turned back.

"Take as much time as you need, Lex. Just remember, whenever you’re ready: I will be, too."

"Okay," Lex said quietly.

"Don’t go getting engaged on me, again, though. Play fair, this time."

"Right," Lex agreed.

"Till later." And Clark disappeared into the night.

Lex stared at the door for a long time after he'd gone, and finally smiled.

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