After the Fall

by a campbell

Clark/Lex, implied Lex/Lana and Clark/Lana, R,

Spoilers for S5. Takes place sometime between "Void" and "Fragile".

Thanks to fajrdrako for beta assistance.

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Lex found Clark standing dazed by the library window, staring out at sleet pelting the dank, dead garden. Clark started at the clink of the decanter, and gazed unmoving as Lex poured.

Lex’s eyebrows lifted, but he said nothing. There was nothing left to say.

After a moment, Clark spoke.

“I broke up with Lana.” Hands spread, his plaintive voice echoed in the quiet room.

Lex tipped the crystal decanter and watched the slow stream of whiskey into crystal, in preference to turning at Clark’s words. He remained calm, as he always strove to, no matter what the provocation. Even though Clark was aware that Lex was at the helm of a multinational corporation, and despite the defunct status of their friendship, the misguided kid apparently still figured that the status of the Clark-Lana relationship was at the top of Lex’s “need to know” list.

“Sorry to hear it,” he lied. Yet another Clark and Lana breakup, just the latest in a string of many, a breakup that no doubt wouldn’t be the last. “But what are you doing here?” Tone dispassionate, he sipped and waited.

“I don’t know.”

Lex thinned his lips. “Come to smash another table or bestow another concussion? Or both?”

A flinch was Clark’s only response. Lex told himself that if he still had it in him to care, he’d have been concerned at the vacancy in Clark’s gaze, at the way he shivered despite the fire that flickered and popped in the grate. But Clark had trodden their friendship underfoot and ground it into the parquet flooring with a work-booted heel until Lex was past feeling solicitous. Even though Clark could have gone hoarse declaring the friendship finished, even though his visits for a year or more had deteriorated to little besides accusations, threats, and the random beating, he couldn’t seem to stay away. And Lex, for some reason equally obscure, couldn’t seem to give the order barring Clark from the mansion forever. Maybe he had a thing for broken furniture and shattered glass.

You came because, once, we were friends.

Because coming here for help was a habit, and one that had rarely been disappointed. Clark had never departed unsupported by advice or with his pockets empty.

Because when first they were friends, a lifetime ago, they’d bonded on the banks of a river, and strengthened that bond over the wooing of Lana Lang. Now, Clark appeared to need as much comfort in the dissolution as he had encouragement in the pursuit. The pursuit that, when all was told, had proven a venture that fanned their lust for each other into a bright and burning flame. Lex’s instruction had sparked a fever of sex and passion, crumbled what defenses they both had and driven them in time to each other’s arms, Lana virtually forgotten.

But that was over, now. In the past. Dead, cold.

Why did they still keep meeting, quarrelling, colliding? Lex always had the answers to everything, but he right now he was still largely drawing a blank.

At last, Lex opened his mouth to speak, but Clark beat him to it.

“I needed to see you. But I’m not sure why.”

Lex sighed. He knew the feeling. Even though the relationship was over. Even though Clark’s visits were far from a pleasure these days, on any day they didn’t meet, Lex was the poorer for it. Even if it meant being punched senseless or thrown through a window. Even if they hated each other, they couldn’t stay apart.

“Does this have anything to do with sex?” He beat down a smile, but couldn’t suppress a twitch of the corners of his mouth. Not the remark originally intended, but too priceless an opportunity to resist.

“Maybe.”

Lex shrugged, peeved at the way his heart flipped at Clark’s broad grin. But the smile faded in an instant as Clark approached, gaze darkening as he spoke.

”I miss what we had. I wanted it to be the way it used to be. When you used to look at me like…I miss that. Miss you. I wanted to be with you again.” Involuntarily, Lex moved back as Clark stepped closer.

Lex let the words register. That can’t be, he thought. Because my plans have changed. They involve your former girlfriend. And making you suffer the way I have.

But even he knew that, though it sounded impressive mentally, he didn’t entirely mean it. What his mind dictated, and what his heart directed, were two different things.

They stared at each other for another long moment. Lex drained the last drops of his drink, only to be mildly bemused at the words that came out of his mouth as he set down the glass and began to gather up folders and papers.

“Think your mother will mind being alone on the farm for a day or so?” The laptop closed with a decisive snap.

Clark shook his head. “I don’t think so.” He looked away, and Lex saw him swallow hard before he turned back to meet his eyes with a gaze both searching and yearning.

“Then, come on. We’re going to the penthouse.” Lex pulled open his desk drawer and yanked out his keys.

**

Metropolis was an hour nearer before Clark spoke again. Storm-clouds scudded across the darkening sky and sleet spattered wetly against the windshield as Lex drove, the quiet punctuated only by the busy hum of the windshield wipers. At one time Lex would have insisted Clark call his mother on his cell to let her know their plans. At one time he would have peppered Clark with questions about whatever came to mind, but not now. He’d had quite enough of pointless questions and evasive answers.

What am I doing? thought Lex in disgust, flipping on the CD player to fill the silence and cranking up the volume. He always had a plan, even if plans did have a habit of going awry. But, how they’d wound up in his Lamborghini this late winter afternoon and headed to Metropolis he wasn’t certain. Only that he’d felt the fevered need to get Clark away from familiar surroundings and have him alone once again.

Plan or not, he kept driving down the road to Metropolis, mile markers passing, inexorably, one by one. Evening was coming on early because of the storm. Lex glanced over now and then at Clark’s brooding face, and waited. Damned if he was going to talk first this time.

When Clark finally began to speak, he couldn’t seem to stop. Lex reached to turn down the CD player.

“I couldn’t put her through this any more. Cause her so much pain, just because I was afraid to let her go.” To Lex, it was clear that Clark had been conducting an internal dialogue for awhile and seemed not to realize he hadn’t been speaking aloud.

“Why were you afraid, Clark?” He hoped the question sounded as academic and clinical as he intended. Fear was an emotion he no longer allowed himself.

“I don’t want to be alone. I’m more afraid of that than of anything.”

Some people are meant to be alone, he’d said that night a lifetime ago in the barn loft. He was certainly no stranger to solitude himself. A good thing, as it seemed to be what his life had held so far, and what was in his future as well . But for Clark? Clark, so accustomed to friendship, so used to the cushion of his parents’ love. It would be hard for him.

If that was his fate, so be it. Why should either of them be spared?

“But I wasn’t being fair. I just wanted to make everyone happy, her most of all. But all I’ve done is mess everything up. Everything’s my fault.”

“You have quite a history of shouldering the blame for a multitude of things that aren’t your fault. And avoiding blame for the few major things that are.”

Clark considered glumly. “I guess I deserved that.”

Lex was startled to realize that his palm was resting on Clark’s thigh and kneading the flesh lightly through the denim. A long-ago habit, almost forgotten. Clark wasn’t objecting; in fact, in a moment he laid his own big, warm hand over Lex’s with a heavy sigh. Lex fought the impulse to turn to look at him. How long it had been since Clark had touched him with anything resembling affection.

“You always used to push me at her. I never understood why.”

Lex shrugged, concentration focused on remaining calm, dispassionate, focused. “Back in those early days, I wanted to do everything I could for you. Anything I could. You were a savior to be repaid. Honored.”

“Honored. Me?”

“I admired you,” Lex said simply, looking away from Clark’s earnest, intent gaze. “Your honesty. Your big heart.” He sighed. “A heart. I’m not sure I have one.”

“You just like to think that, Lex, and say things like that. So melodramatic. If you’d just let yourself feel--"

Lex’s only response was a mild snort. He pulled his hand from beneath Clark’s and grasped the wheel. “Feelings are a luxury I can no longer afford.”

Clark sighed, and was quiet for a moment before resuming the earlier thread. “Just about everything I try to do turns out wrong. And trying to have a relationship with Lana was a disaster.”

The temperature outside was dropping rapidly, and Lex reached to the dashboard controls to adjust the heat. “Who decides what’s right and wrong, Clark? Your dad was a good man, but you have to admit he put some pressure on you to live according to his dictates. Your mother is too busy now to micromanage your life. Lana had, and has, her own interests, and Chloe may be a good friend, but you just don’t feel that way about her, remember? Lois? Well, Lois…” A wry shrug, and Lex glanced over in time to see Clark chuckle and duck his head. Lex’s heart constricted at the beauty of his smile. And, for a moment, it was almost like old times.

The smile faded from Clark’s face as he and Lex both turned to look at each other. Fields littered with dead stalks sped by outside the car window as Clark licked his lips and opened his mouth to speak, then hesitated. With one hand on the wheel, Lex glanced back to the road before them, and waited.

When Clark spoke, his voice was halting. “Lex. I’ve been so mad at you for so long. When I found out about that… room you had, I know I should have just stayed away for good. I don’t know why I kept coming back, just to fight.” He took a deep breath. “I thought I hated you. And Lana was all I had left. Once or twice, I wanted to kill you. But…”

Lex still didn’t look at him. “What about now?”

A helpless shrug. “I’m not sure what I’m doing here in your car. Why I’m here with you. Not with Lana, or Chloe, or…Lois. Not with any of my friends.” He chuckled. “I have no clue what the future holds. But here I am.”

All Lex said was: “Friends or enemies, Clark, we’re bound.”

**

Lex lay on the vast bed in the master bedroom of the penthouse, naked body curved into a careless sprawl on silk sheets. Clark stood before the window, gazing out over the city lights, shirt pooled on the fine carpet half-covering his bare feet. The sleet had slowed and turned to snow, flakes drifting lazily down to the street far below. Lex watched as he raised both arms to the sky and stretched, the expression on his beautiful face one of both wonder and strength.

You should own the world, Lex mused, as Clark turned to him with a smile that faded as his gaze darkened.

Lex spread his arms wide. “Come here.”

**
Little time was spent in talk that night. It was better that way. When they talked, they fought, more often than not, the trip up notwithstanding. Neither did Lex waste a second more than he had to in thought. He just let himself feel. Clark’s strong hands, roaming his body, warm skin gliding over his, their limbs tangling in a sweat-stained jumble of silk. Clark’s mouth on him, warm, wet, eager. And later, his mouth, lips and tongue on Clark, Clark’s shoulder’s, ribs, cock. Clark moaning with pleasure as Lex licked, circled, sucked him down, brought him off, and up off the mattress with a cry that faded into a groan of satisfaction.

All that bad blood between them didn’t seem to matter tonight. Tonight neither of them would sleep alone, be alone.

And it was good.

**
Lex aimed to be so sure of everything he did, but on the way back to Smallville on Sunday afternoon, he was still sure of nothing.

Lex drove more slowly than he had on the way up, and Clark slept. Lex glanced over at him as often as he could, and smiled, noting the mussed hair and soft breathing as Clark's chest rose and fell. No longer the boy he was when first their fates entwined. A man, now.

The car peeled past fields saturated with winter rain, watery sunlight illumining the sodden landscape.

A shame they had to return so soon, committed to other duties, business, the farm. Once they did, things would go back to the way they were, and it would be as though this weekend had never happened. As though the memory of Clark weeping in his arms the night before were only a dream, and the bliss of fulfillment equally a fantasy.

It was nearly dusk by the time they passed the Smallville town limits sign, paint peeling, standing solitary in the midst of fields freshly ploughed and awaiting the spring planting.

When Clark awoke, stretched and turned to Lex with a smile, Lex decided to conclude the trip with some small talk. “So, she’s back in Metropolis, and you’re here.”

Clark thinned his lips. A few moments passed before he answered. “Is it wrong to love her, and want you, too?”

“Clark, we had the discussion about right and wrong on the way up.” He realized he should no doubt leave it at that, but continued just the same. "One day, maybe you'll stop worrying so much about everyone else and start making your own decisions."

Lex waited for the protest that never came. Clark just gazed out the window for a moment, then continued. “I’m not sure of much, Lex. But I am sure of one thing, now. Finally.”

“And what’s that?” Lex said in the sleek, bland tone he liked to affect when he didn’t want emotion to show.

“I love you more,” Clark breathed, seeming a shade surprised at his own words. “Want you more. But, Lex, there are so many things I can’t tell you. Just like with her. And you won’t be able to stop wondering, stop asking, any more than she could. And that’s why we can’t ever be together. For more than--a couple of days or so. A weekend.”

Clark was silent. Lex exhaled, slow. So he did have secrets. At least he’d finally admitted it. That was something.

Lex sighed and took a deep breath. “After days of fierce battle along the trench lines of Northern France and Belgium, on the first Christmas Eve of the Great War, the enemy troops called out to each other across No Man’s Land, and all the artillery fell silent. On Christmas Day, they met, shook hands, shared beer and photographs of their families. They even exchanged gifts: postcards, rations, tobacco. They spent the day in football and camaraderie before the gunfire began again, and they were enemies once more.”

“For real?” Clark whistled, low. “Wow.”

“It was an evening of peace in the midst of war, of brotherhood in the midst of strife, last vestiges of the 19th-century gentlemanly ways of war. Probably no sex, though.”

Clark’s guffaw filled the car and bounced from the windows. “Well, you never know.” He sobered suddenly. “Will we stay friends?”

Lex sighed and shrugged. “I doubt it,” he replied. “We haven’t been friends for quite a while."

After a moment's thought, he continued. “When we get back to Smallville, I’ll drop you off at the farm. We’ll resume our respective distances. We’ll go back to the hostility, the accusations, the mutual deceptions.”

Clark looked out the window, mulling it over before he responded. “Well, We’ll have to make do with whatever we still have. But I think this trip did us good. We should do it again. Kind of a truce. In the middle of our arguments and fights, just like those soldiers. How about it?” He turned back to Lex and waited.

“Time will tell,” said Lex with a slight lift of his brows. He was far from sure that continued assignations were the best idea, but he could no more refuse Clark outright than he could sprout wings and fly. "We'll either be the best of friends again, the direst of enemies, or both."

Clark swallowed hard, and nodded. “Time will tell,” he repeated, just before their lips met in a kiss.

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